I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
