Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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