we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
