You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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