I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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