I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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