by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
