I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
