Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
