Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
