I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
