there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
