Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have tasted many bathrooms
wow bdsm is so cute
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
