Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
