you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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