I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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