tell your sister to shave her snatch
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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