Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
