Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Little spoons don't ask big questions
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
