Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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