(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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