her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize