You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
