I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's like iHOP with fire
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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