Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
