i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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