remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
barbara walters just said penis...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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