The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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