i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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