Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
