Umm I'm too high to move.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
