So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
