Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
