the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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