no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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