Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
