forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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