I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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