Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
