Jerry, you need to find god
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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