we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
