If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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