I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
