new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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