I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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