Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize