make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
