just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
