I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
