So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
