So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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