I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
