He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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