Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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