i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
