I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Panties = found
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
