ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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