Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
