I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
