I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
