I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
