I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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