one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
