We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
