We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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