I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
