all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
