I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
