Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
