you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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