I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
