my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
