It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
