I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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