one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
