I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
