This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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