i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
