remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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